Thursday, April 30, 2009

Today's writing

We’re in his little roadster, a jellybean of a car that rarely fails to arouse my ire. I curse it for its claustrophobic cabin, its low seating position that makes you wonder if you’re going to walk away with road rash on your ass, its minimal trunk space and crappy cup holders.

All irritations. All excuses. What I really hate is the jauntiness of the car, its spunky handling and merry turn ratio. Sure, I drove a convertible, but mine wasn’t so ... precious.

Simon and Garfunkel, "I Am a Rock"

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

It's the mind-shift

Hours before the beautiful pictures below were taken, I had a huge anxiety attack. Panic.

Our wedding photographer, Luke, very generously offered us a first-anniversary shoot in downtown Napa -- and when the day came last Friday, I freaked out at the idea of getting gussied up and photographed.

"You know," Adam said while I ran around huffing and teary, trying to find the right ensemble, "you're going to have to get used to your new bod."

He's right. I'm not at my end goal, but I sure do feel -- and look -- better than I have in my adult life. I stopped my snuffling and we got in the car.

The shoot was great, and the pictures ... well, I'll let you be the judge.

First anniversary shoot with Luke, Napa


The coming months are full of adventure, and I'm ready for it. In June, I'll spend four days at Spirit Rock. In July, I'll be at Kimmel Harding. And in late August, I leave for MacDowell.

The last year or so has been a relatively quiet time -- with the economy as it is, spontaneous trips to Tokyo are not happening. I've convinced myself that I'm okay with it, but the reality is that I can't wait to start booking tickets.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

One of our favorites

Look at Luke's gorgeous photos!

More to come, but he's posted three great ones on his blog. We had an awesome time this weekend goofing around in Napa. What a great guy and a talent.

Oh, and tonight? It went terrific. Not to mention the drunken confession-fest at the Phoenix afterward. I haven't been that blitzed in a while and it was good.

Now to sleep, to dream. The sidewinder sleeps tonight.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Sometimes you don't get what you want

I've looked for too long -- and with little to no success -- for my father's approval. I know this logically and am waiting to truly learn it emotionally.

Today I told him about Kimmel Harding. His response over email:


Have fun.


I guess I should be grateful. He could've lectured me about going in tornado season and why would I ever want to see Nebraska again anyway? He breaks down ideas and dreams, criticizes them until you just want to run and hide. Ask me how I know.

Maybe "have fun" is the best he can do.

Two things

I'm performing at The Marsh tonight. Come by and I'll at least consider buying you a drink.

Also, the Big Bopper's "Chantilly Lace" is one of the most perfect two minutes and 10 seconds of art ever. I'm lovin' it.

Adam, over email

Lamont and Tenelli had a call from some woman whose husband left her after 15 years and she wanted them to call him so she could say she loves him and wants him back. I said that if it was my wife, she'd want them to call me and say that I'm a shithead cocksucking motherfucker.

Ps he said he left because she was pushing 40 and let herself go. Even L&T said he was a dick.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Me, to the United Airlines website as it was pissing me off

"Don't you cocksuck me! I'll cocksuck you right back! Uh ... wait ..."


ME: I mean, you like to spoil the woman you're with ...
ADAM: Yeah, but not if she's a raging cunt. Well, not that kind of raging cunt.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Napa and Yountville

Breakfast in downtown Napa this morning.
Downtown Napa.
Lots of shots of this awesome house.
It looks like the Wicked Witch on LSD lives here. But wicked in a good way.
Can't go wrong with a flower shot.
I like the look on his face.
Earth Day at Napa Valley College.
Been waiting all my life for this.
The kids loved Cardboard City.
Regrettably, I did not indulge.
Our friend and wedding photographer Luke brought his bees.
Luke gave away baby oak trees -- but made kids swear to care for them.
Bouchon Bakery in Yountville. Chocolate tart, olive bread, coffee, and iced latte, $17. Being able to say "Bouchon": Priceless.
Bouchon. (See? I said it.)
Bouchon -- I said it again.
Food porn capital of the world: McDonald's.
Okay, maybe not.
They, like, grow their food across the street. Whoa.

Rob, on my most recent critique

The guys read chapters eleven through thirteen this week. Rob said some awesome stuff in his critique, and with his permission, I'm reprinting it here:

Not to do with your writing but a thought:

I wonder if negative thoughts about your appearance led to positive thoughts about your
self -- feelings that anything negative that came your way was based on how you looked, anything positive based on how you are.

I think in the time I've known you you've always shown confidence in yourself, but recently you seem to express less of a need to fit in, which I'm sure partially has to do with the group I'm seeing you in now, but at that other writer's group we attended once you had the same lack of a need to impress.

The change has taken place since you've been with Adam -- no cause/effect analysis here, I'm sure you were moving in the right direction when you met the right person.

Rob has known me for the better part of a decade and he doesn't bullshit around. I take this very seriously and am touched.

Britney Spears, "Lucky"

Late 2000 and Deborah and I are standing on the streets of Barcelona. There's a gelato shop and a closed-circuit camera where, five years from now, my husband and I will watch ourselves mugging. Today there is sweetness, false and real, and I imbibe.