Sunday, May 30, 2010

Family dynamics

I don't know how to write this, but I feel I should.

Right now Adam is in Los Angeles visiting his family and I'm in Tahoe. I didn't go with him because there's been static between the two sides for a long time now and his mother (and sister) have barely spoken to me for a year and a half. I couldn't fathom an entire weekend of fighting, or worse, brittle politesse.

He has a niece and nephew and they're sweet kids, but I don't see them as family. I don't see his family as family. It would be nice if this changed, but I'm not holding my breath.

There's no such static between him and my family. Doubtless part of this is because of his easy-going nature, but part of it is that my family -- my mother and youngest brother at least -- are more friends than in-laws. I don't have any friends on his side. I asked his brother-in-law to perform our wedding ceremony thinking that that would help things. It didn't.

I feel raw and angry right now at the situation and I can't change these people. I'm not up for trying. All I can do is get my own feelings in order.

2 comments:

Tracy Wolff/Tessa Adams said...

I think the hardest part of getting married is dealing with your spouse's family. Seriously-- the hardest part. Fingers crossed for you :)

Allison Landa said...

Thank you, ma'am. I could use all the crossed fingers I can get!