October 9, 2013
The anxiety is back. Went down to the Pioneer Saloon for breakfast and am having trouble settling in back by myself. I have a weird lump in my throat. I should go outside, but I feel glued to the chair. Slept at 10:30 p.m., woke at 1 a.m., couldn sleep again until nearly 5 a.m. Woke at 6:30 a.m. for sunrise, fell back asleep until 8:30 a.m. Just went outside for a minute. “Blue Bayou” on iTunes. Being alone has never been terribly easy for me and yet it’s situational. I’m an introvert, but too much alone time makes me a bit crazy.
Met Rachel’s dog Pepper yesterday. What a sweetie. I miss my pups. I hope they’re behaving themselves. It’s me and the writing now. I’m up against it. But it’s not a battle. It’s – I don’t know what it is. But it’s not a battle.
October 11, 2013
Yesterday was busy! Went to Bend and then had a residents’ dinner. Bend was okay. It felt very manufactured, a lot like Ashland. I guess I’m used to Berkeley. Tonight we’re going to the Paisley Saloon. My computer blue-screened, but (knock wood) seems okay. Coffee, 25 degrees out. Damn. I just went out and my bare feet are stinging. Dumbass. Probably nine hours until I see another human being. Somehow I’m okay with that. I’m happy that I’m okay with the solitude.