Tuesday, August 23, 2016

While listening to Stevie Wonder

I used to -- in a very fist-pounding way -- insist that Adam was my only love, that no one else ever touched my heart the way he did, and does. But I have to admit that while he's the one I married and the one who has most wholly accepted me for who and what I am, he is not the only person I think of with love.

I'm finding that it's better to open and accept than to slap away and reject out of hand, from anger. There is room for everyone, for everything.

Love falls atop itself. It builds a base, a structure. It comes over time. It strengthens. It teaches. It expands. It grows angry and resolves. It simply is.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Part of today's writing

I couldn’t tell if she was going to hug me or not. There was that awkward moment, the move forward, and then she smiled and stepped back. Had I given off that don’t-touch-me vibe? I hadn’t meant to, but sometimes that didn’t matter. Sometimes your skin does the talking for you. It puts off the vibes that your mouth can’t find the words to express.

What the fuck happened the other night? What happened?

I once read a book by Stephen King where he talked about calling the mind police and having a particular thought led away in handcuffs. I didn’t feel capable of getting in touch with Mental 911, though. Whether it was because I was too weak or too strong, though, I couldn’t have told you. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Monday, August 15, 2016

Early morning Alameda

Starting the morning on Park Street. I haven't done this in more than a decade, since Adam lived here before we moved in together. He worked the early shift then, which meant getting up before dawn and trundling down to Ole's Waffle House, parking on the side streets to avoid sweeping tickets.

I was in love, so in love. I still am.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Early morning in the city

I usually just stick with the 4:30 a.m. Starbucks on Solano, but fuck it. Today it's Philz at One Front Street, where I have a view like this:

And this is my workplace:

I feel as I've felt in so many cities before: Toulouse, Oslo, Pardubice, Tokyo, Ciudad Colon. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll take my pretense to the page.