Thursday, March 22, 2018

Just one of those days

When you miss someone, you really miss them. I do, at least. I was just solicited to do a piece for Berkeley Noir and it made me miss The Dude so badly. We went to the Oakland Noir event at City Lights and it was super fucking fun.

Why do we have to lose the ones we love the most? Damn it.

There have been three people in my life who have broken me. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.


Today is Thursday, which means Baz is home from school. Juggling work and him is a learned art, though he is certainly one of the easiest kids I've ever met. Still. Ya know?

I was just ruminating over whether parenthood can fuck your marriage. The answer, of course, is both yes and no. In our case, I think it's made us stronger but also underscored some weak spots. That's to be expected. It's not always easy to deal with. The last couple of days I've said to Adam I'm not happy, meaning circumstantially. Things are challenging at the moment.

And yet there's Baz, cawing in the other room, saying whoop! whoop! sock it to me! and Hi, Tahoe Bear!, and that's just pretty cool.


Everyone wants a piece. I've rarely felt so overwhelmed in my life. I need time to sit and stare at the wall, to lie on the couch and think about nothing at all. This is not debatable and it is not optional. The fact that he's in day care three times a week does not abate it the way I had hoped.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018


I had occasion to use his name today. I didn't.


I'm not able to put one articulate word to paper today. Hence, I'm blogging. But I can't even do much here either. I'm not burned out on my own stuff. I'm just burned out on everything else.

Gualala, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

"A good old Landa rant"

Last night I went off on how certain diseases just seem out of fashion. Think about it. Typhus. The plague. Who dies of these things any more? Since when did disease get trendy?

Yeah. Think about it.

Shit. It's too early.