Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mother's Day

Dear Baz:

Last year you slept peacefully through the appetizer and halfway through dinner. This year you wiggled, whined, and charmed us half to death. Then we went from Napa to Yountville and you put your sturdy little legs to work while we watched you explore.

You told me "I love you" while Daddy went to go get the car. You pointed and said: "What's that?" You smiled. And smiled. And smiled.

Thank you, baby. Thank you.


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

In honor of Mother's Day

One of them meme things ...

In honor of upcoming Mother's Day: All about your first born...
1. Did you have an epidural? God, yes. Two, in fact. 
2. Was the father in the room? Yep. (I skipped the crack about Justin Trudeau not being available.)
3. Were you induced? They gave me potocin, but not necessarily for induction. They were just trying to make labor easier. It didn't work all that well. (See below.)
4. Did you find out the sex? Yes
5. Due Date? September 21, 2015
6. Did you deliver early or late? Two weeks early.
7. Did you have morning sickness? Purdy much.
8. What did you crave? Ice-cream sandwiches from CREAM, apple fritters, malai kofta from House of Curries. You know, health food.
9. How many pounds did you gain? 20 lbs. I'm pretty sure I've lost it all, but I haven't checked lately.
10. What was the sex of the baby? Boy
11. Did you have complications? Yep. I wound up having an unplanned C-Section.
12. Where did you give birth? Alta Bates Summit Medical Center, Berkeley. I blow kisses every time I pass by.
13. How many hours were you in labor? Probably a lot longer than I think, but I think active labor was about 12 hours. 
14. How much did your baby weigh? 6 pounds 13.5 ounces.
15. What did you name the baby? Baz Franklin Sandler, otherwise known as DJ B. Frank.
16. How old is your baby today? 20 months

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Four White Russians

I stayed out too late the other night. Adam noted the next morning that I apparently had cereal when I'd gotten home and it was everywhere -- the counter, the floor, the coffeemaker, that last apparently for kicks.

I didn't just drink. I drank. Four White Russians. Count 'em. Anyone who's ever quaffed one with me knows I'm a cheap date.

So I was in fine stumbling form. That is for sure. I had to leave my car at The Albatross and get a ride home.

You would have had your pick, my friend told me as we sat at the bar. You could have picked any guy.

I still have a hard time believing that. But I'm getting closer.

Friday, April 28, 2017

My 43rd birthday


Baz went on the big-boy swing for the first time today. It was awesome. You wouldn't have caught me dead saying that a few years ago, but I don't give a damn. It was crazy cool to push him and watch him hanging on tightly with his little hands, his feet swaying as he figured out how to kick to make himself go back and forth.

All kinds of amazing.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Self-Absorption and the Dharma

“People can seem like total jerks on the road. They can cut you off, drive dangerously, and be inconsiderate. This is challenging to deal with if their selfishness is directed intentionally at you. But even if it is, what does it ultimately have to do with you? Even if they are being completely confrontational, even if they have just sped up and cut you off and are screaming at you with veins bulging from neck and forehead, they have chosen you randomly.

“This means it has nothing to do with you. So why be reactive?

“Sam was actually making an error we all make at one time or another – the error of taking anything personally. The sad truth is that most people going through the day, actively pursuing their business, don’t have any idea you’re alive. Nothing is personal. They aren’t trying to wound you; they’re too busy protecting their own wounds. Often their behavior is unconscious. They are talking on the phone while driving, involved in an argument with their spouse, or overtired from working the late shift. You are incidental, inadvertently experiencing their ‘jerky behavior’ as a by-product of their inattention. It is only in referring every event back to “me” – what that person did to me, how they cut me off – that one’s personal suffering is created.”

- Arthur Jeon, City Dharma

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Energy, Returned

After two and a half years, my mojo has returned. It happened suddenly and after a serious period of energy drought. One day I was dragging myself out of bed; the next I was talking gardening and travel.

I attribute this to a few things:

- Bazzy is holding his own more and more. He's becoming his own little person (not that he hasn't always been; just now he's capable of climbing into his high chair, into his car seat, onto his changing table) and it takes pressure off of me. Not to mention that it's rewarding.

- I'm finding the strength I always had plus the resolve of being a parent.

- Something else that I can't remember.

It's nice. Seriously.