Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I'm trying to review 2010 in my mind

It's not working, though. There are milestones and landmarks and many points of pain. This year is a blur and an ugly one at that. I don't necessarily believe in the arbitrary flip of a calendar ... but somehow I do. I have high hopes. I've said it before and I'll say it again. High hopes.

There are things I'm going for that I can't and won't talk about here. Not yet. Not until they come to pass. If they do. High hopes.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


I came, I saw, I'm glad it's over.

Highlights: Getting published in Salon, going to Seattle, having lap-band surgery and losing (up through now) 30 pounds. My marriage, which gets better all the time. The fact that my friends and family are happy and healthy. The dogs.

Lowlights: So much else. My cat dying, even if it was at a ripe old age. (Whatever the hell that means.) Spending my birthday in the hospital. And just a trapped feeling that I plan to deal with this year.

2011. Bring it on.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Art of Racing in the Rain

I felt strangely anxious that day, in a very human way. People are always worried about what's happening next. They often find it difficult to stand still, to occupy the now without worrying about the future. People are not generally satisfied with what they have; they are very concerned with what they are going to have. A dog can almost power down his psyche and slow his anticipatory metabolism, like David Blaine attempting to set the record for holding his breath at the bottom of a swimming pool -- the tempo of the world around him simply changes. On a normal dog day, I can sit still for hours on end with no effort. But that day I was anxious. I was nervous and worried, uneasy and distracted. I paced around and never felt settled. I didn't care for the sensation, yet I realized it was possibly a natural progression of my evolving soul, and therefore I tried my best to embrace it.

- Garth Stein

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Manila envelopes hold my dreams

Yesterday I biked up to the Berkeley post office to mail off something pretty significant to me. I kissed the envelope for good luck and pushed it through the slot.

I have goals and hopes. More than even I know.