I needed the reminder

Shine

I'm listening to "Shine" by Collective Soul on Pandora. I wanted to write up this quippy little bit about what 1993 -- the year the song came out -- meant to me. I couldn't be quippy. This was one of the most tumultuous times of my life. My parents were in the middle of an ugly divorce and my mother had moved some stranger into our home. My family felt like a set of strangers. Life took on a David Lynch cast. I hid in Santa Barbara and turned off my brain. It was easier than I'd expected.

There is so much ugliness from that time. Coming home to find a Christmas tree in my house. My mother becoming someone I didn't know and couldn't understand: someone hard, materialistic, mercenary. Learning that there was no place for me in the place where I grew up.

That's enough for now.

Thought for the day

Being constantly obsessed with yourself does not make you self-aware.

1984, "Sad Songs (Say So Much)"

I run across the room to press Play and Record on my silver ghetto blaster. Then I throw myself on my canopy bed and kick my legs with happiness.

Commentary

ME: I think Wings is severely underrated.
ADAM: You also think Joe Dolce is severely underrated.

Today's writing

It is the feeling of want, of desire, of gluttony. It is one of the seven sins and it makes me feel alive. It’s the kind of aliveness you get maybe a few times a year. It makes you simultaneously want to eat and fuck the world. It makes you think that this is possible.

Parker

I'm remembering a special dog whose life ended two years ago today. Parker, you were such a good boy and I know my brother loved you. We all did.

God, some proof I'm not crazy

Or at least, not crazy when it comes to the subject of small talk versus serious conversations. According to the New York Times, those who talk more deeply are happier:

It may sound counterintuitive, but people who spend more of their day having deep discussions and less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier, said Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona who published a study on the subject.

I thrive on deep conversations. Small talk makes me cringe. As one of the commenters said, garbage in, garbage out. I agree.

Not a believer ... thank God!

Adam dropped me off at a daylong at Spirit Rock this morning. He later emailed me this:

As I was walking back to ringo, I passed a couple walking in with their pillows and shit. The woman was quietly contemplating the universe and he had a look like "How come YOU get to leave???

Apple Box Wooden Toys, Seaport Village

When I was a kid, I loved this place. I still have a Jacob's Ladder and a little bear that inches up on parallel strings. You have to see it to know what I'm talking about.

Today I walked in and bought my husband a present there. The little girl in me stood up and cheered.

War of the Roses

Barbara: Have you ever made angry love?

Gavin: Is there any other way?

You're my light in my deepest darkest hour, you're my savior when I fall.

2005, "Angel"

He turns on Shaggy and in return Shaggy turns us on. I'm so in love that my mouth feels glued together, all those words. Every move is another dream fulfilled, each touch a minor miracle. He is not yet mine, I not yet his, but we are walking that path.

Chelsea King

Because you went to the same high school as me, because you were so similar to the friends I had there. Because you walked the same paths I did and perhaps even had the same dreams. It is for these reasons that I mourn your loss.