Healing

In order to heal, you need to want to heal. Otherwise you're just working against nature.

Cozy

Daily OM

Our emotions color our lives with varying palettes. Sometimes we feel a strong emotion in reaction to something that has happened, but emotions also visit us seemingly out of the blue, flooding us unexpectedly with joy or grief or melancholy. Like the weather, they come and go, influencing our mental state with their particular vibration. Sometimes a difficult emotion hangs around longer than we would like, and we begin to wonder when it will release its hold on us. This is often true of grief stemming from loss, for example, or lingering anger over a past event. 

Usually, if we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully when they come up, they recede naturally, giving way to another and another. When an emotion haunts us, it is often because we are afraid of really feeling it. Emotions like despair and rage are powerful, and it is natural to want to hold them at bay. Certainly, we don't want to let them take us over so that we say or do things we later regret. When we are facing this kind of situation, it can be helpful to ask the spirit, "How long do I need to sit with these emotions, how long do I need to feel these emotions before they can pass?" If you ask sincerely and wait, an answer will come. Setting a time limit on your engagement with that difficult emotion may be just the technique you need to face it fully. 

When you have a sense of how much time you need to spend, set a timer. Sit down and make yourself available to the emotion that has been nagging you. All you have to do is feel it. Avoid getting attached to it or rejecting it. Simply let it ebb and flow within you. Emotions are by their nature cyclical, so you can trust that just as one reaches its apex it will pass. Each time you sit with its presence without either repressing or acting out, you will find that that difficult emotion was the catalyst for much needed emotional healing.

Today's writing

We introduced ourselves in that awkward way of people who perhaps should know each other’s name but don’t. My hand in his, shaking. There was a fire burning that day, scorching the nearby hilltops of Escondido to the north. It might as well have been in the parking lot of the shelter, that’s how much ash was getting dropped and wind was getting whipped and the air was chokable, practically chewable, but hardly breathable.

“You’re new, huh?”

“To this earth, no. To this place, yes.”

When he laughed, I decided I liked him.

Alameda Library

A year ago today

The most confusing friendship I have ever had ended. I still miss the jerk. We had a ton of fun even though we also had tons of arguments. Shit.

Posted on Facebook

If you go to Grant Street in Berkeley, the 2200 block between Allston and Bancroft, look for the little blue house at 2214. It's on the west side next to Joan's big brownshingle.

Squint and you'll see the long path to the left of the house. Go down if you like. Go through the gate. Make sure it latches. It never latched right.

The door is open. Come on in.

Goodbye, McGee's Farm

Broke into the old apartment

I lost the place I've loved most dearly in my life. The sunny, too-often-cluttered cottage where we spent nearly 13 years. My heart aches in a way I've never before known. I'll recover, but I'll never really get over it.