Today's writing

Everyone looks like they’re with someone else. I try to reason with myself: you’re new in town, do you expect a posse straight out of the box? The answer, of course, is yes. I press on through Pernstyn Square toward Třída Míru, the town’s main drag. To my left is a theatre; to my right a bus stop. Above me is an archway and for a minute my imagination takes me in all sorts of directions. Who has passed under here before me? What were their dreams their thoughts? What brought them here? Then I decide I genuinely don’t give a fuck, and turn up Credence on my headphones.

 

Today's writing

 Come on, Landa. What’s with the self-defeating talk? 

I’m good at it, that’s what. We train our brains, that’s what we do, and I’ve conditioned mine to think some really shitty things. Like the smoking, I enjoy it. There’s something liberating about bathing in the negative. It basically means you’ve got very little to lose. 

 I ruminate on this for the 20 minutes it takes to hit the town center, Pernstyn Square. Here’s where the photographs are made, the memories cemented. Of the very few who travel to Pardubice, none go to my end of town, nor do they explore the edge where the school lies. They come here to explore Green Gate Tower, to sit in the shadow of wedding-cake roofs, to clamor down into caves and hoist a glass.

Today's writing

Everything in me slammed shut when he approached me at Farley’s, the Potrero Hill coffeehouse I favored when in the city. I froze my ass off there, but I liked their brownies. 

I was considering reading The Bell Jar – though not actually holding it – when he materialized at tableside, mumbling about “Sylvia” as if he and Plath had always been on a first-name basis. He was a dark hulk stumbling slowly toward me, and all I wanted to do was flee. 

Given the power of hindsight, I would have realized that he was nervous, that he longed to build some sort of conversation but lacked the tools. He just came over and bumbled his way through. I could have had empathy, but then again, maybe I couldn’t. I just wanted him to leave like yesterday. 

It was nothing I could name, nothing I could place. Sometimes you just know – but what do you know? Can you trust what’s in your head? Can you relate to what’s in your heart? 

“I’ve been a writer for 10 years,” he said. “I’ve written two hundred poems.” 

It’s like he’s reading me his resume. 

It wasn’t that, though. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was coming out of his mouth. He didn’t seem proud; he didn’t act as though he was trying to impress me. He said it as a fact of his life, as if he updated the figures every time they changed. 

“I write too,” I said. 

“How long?” 

 “I don’t know.” I twiddled a piece of hair between two outstretched fingers. “Forever.” 

 He didn’t meet my eyes. He just glanced around the café, down at the table, up at the ceiling. When lost in thought he would close his lids and purse his lips. At some point he had taken a seat. Something told him I wanted company – and not just any company, but his. Something said to him take a seat at her table. He found something about me inviting. That made me like him, if only for a moment.

Upcoming readings

On Nov. 21, I'll be in conversation with Barak Engel, author of Ascendance: The Crack in the Crystal, at A Great Good Place for Books in Montclair, Oakland: 7 p.m.

Then on Nov. 23, I'm reading at Jered's Pottery! Join us!

Oasis, "Don't Look Back in Anger"

 [Verse 1]

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play?
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Slowly fade away

[Pre-Chorus]
So I start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

[Chorus]
And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walkin' on by
Her soul slides away
But "Don't look back in anger," I heard you say

[Verse 2]
Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows
If it's night or day
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a rock 'n' roll band
Who'll throw it all away

[Pre-Chorus]
I'm gonna start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, 'cause summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
'Cause you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

[Chorus]
And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as she's walking on by
My soul slides away
But "Don't look back in anger," I heard you say

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus]
So, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But "Don't look back in anger," I heard you say
So, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as she's walking on by
My soul slides away
But "Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger"
I heard you say

[Outro]
"At least not today"

Today's writing

I place the butter, milk, eggs, and potatoes in my refrigerator, which happens to be outside. Nothing here makes any sense, which means I'm the one who's nonsensical.

Who said she could come clean my apartment?

Writers Night Out

This Tuesday!

In the immortal words of Towlie ...

I am so high. I have no idea what is going on.