Tuesday, March 17, 2015


All my life I’ve considered myself too young to fill-in-the-blank. At 23 I was too young for a full-time job, so I switched to freelancing. Ten years later I was too young to get married, so I stood under the chuppah and told myself that I would make it. Now at 40, I know I’m too young for this baby shit. I wear a backpack, don’t I? I have way more in common with these early twenty-somethings than I do with the women pushing strollers.

That’s another thing I must tell you: The Mommy Mafia scares the crap out of me. These are the women who descend to eat your brain the minute you make the announcement that you’re knocked up. I see them in groups, tight multi-person knots holding little bundles and patting tiny heads. They have been assimilated. They have given themselves over to the Other, and the Other rules their mind and their lives. The Other comes out of your body as a miniature demanding devil and it is all you can do to stop from getting gored by the horns.

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