NY Times: Marriage lies are on the rise

Thanks to today's technology, infidelity may be on the rise in the U.S. In particular, some researchers say women are using cell phones and the internet to cheat on their partners:

[T]oday, married women are more likely to spend late hours at the office and travel on business. And even for women who stay home, cellphones, e-mail and instant messaging appear to be allowing them to form more intimate relationships, marriage therapists say. Dr. Frank Pittman, an Atlanta psychiatrist who specializes in family crisis and couples therapy, says he has noticed more women talking about affairs centered on “electronic” contact.

“I see a changing landscape in which the emphasis is less on the sex than it is on the openness and intimacy and the revelation of secrets,” said Dr. Pittman, the author of “Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy” (Norton, 1990). “Everybody talks by cellphone and the relationship evolves because you become increasingly distant from whomever you lie to, and you become increasingly close to whomever you tell the truth to.”

Don't underestimate the destructive potential of emotional affairs. Touching someone's heart and mind often matters much more than touching their nether regions.

That's why I have much stronger boundaries in a relationship than I ever had when I was single. I still have plenty of friends. I still share a lot of myself. But there's plenty I also keep within my marriage, and that's probably for the best.