More Show Me Dharma Homework

Phillip Moffitt describes going from a “tasting” of the mind being free from clinging (see pages 80-90) to a “direct knowing of pure awareness”, in which there is

No object of awareness

No observer

No awareness of awareness (page 153)

Why is there no suffering when this occurs?  What barriers (concerns, fears) come up when you read this?  Look deeply.

I think it may be fairly simplistic to say there is no suffering when this occurs. That said, there is far less suffering – and perhaps my barrier is my belief that suffering is inevitable. Then again, is that a barrier or an acceptance of reality?

I liked this quote: "What seems to me to be the actual cause of suffering is the tendency to idealize and identify with your desires so much that you become attached to having them fulfilled. You start to cling to the idea of getting what you want either now or in the future as being all-important. You become irritated, disappointed, or frustrated when you don't get what you want. You are not able to simply be mindful of the desire as it arises and passes."

Thinking about it, there’s a lot of cynicism that comes up when I contemplate this. In a way it seems like it makes a lot of sense, and on the other hand it just seems like a bunch of idealistic flim-flam. I actually like the part of myself that craves. It pushes me forward, even if it does so in what seems like a difficult way. I’m not so sure that I want total equanimity in my life. It seems a little – I don’t know, boring? Yes. I’m not sure if this is a barrier or this is simply the way that I am.

I’m trying to look more deeply beyond this, though. Does simply the way I am mean that I am unable to change? Is it a justification for stagnation? Or for poor internal rhyme?

So okay. What is a “direct knowing of pure awareness” anyway? To me in its purest form it means clarity. It’s an understanding of sorts, a focus of the same kind I get when I drink really good Kaldi’s coffee, without the jitteriness or resultant anxiety. It’s a lift without the fall. Or perhaps it’s just an element of balance.

But this brings me to wondering – is balance, well, boring? Perhaps I’m just drawn to – some might say addicted to – the highs and the lows. Balance doesn’t have to be boring, does it? Perhaps I’m just dismissing it out of hand.