Get-up-and-go

I drove down to Palo Alto today on a whim, had lunch, got a coffee, and then turned around and headed home. It felt good to strike out on the road. It's been a while since I did that by myself. Even though the Dumbarton Bridge was windy as hell and my car was wiggling all over the lanes, I'd do it again in a second.

Making headway on The Project. It's slow, yes, but steady. I think it's good work.

I was ruminating about approval and I found myself thinking: You can't live your life by committee.

That sometimes means making decisions that won't be well met by your friends, as a friend of mine did this week. Staged interventions don't work. People don't take votes before they act. Life is not a critique session, with everyone getting their share of input. Most of us, we're one-horse shows.

Climbing out

Managing depression means making adjustments to feel as good as possible. Since my depression is worst in the morning, I decided to leave the house early, even before Adam, and go to the gym.

I feel great! I don't expect to always feel this way, of course, but it's nice to know that a few changes here and there can make such a difference.

I also made tracks on The Project this weekend. I love being fired up about it again!

Random snippet I hope to use one day

She was dumb not because she was young but because it was a disease, a lifelong affliction that would cripple not her, but everyone around her.

Santa Cruz

So I'm revising The Project. It's one of the most challenging things I've ever done with my writing, and also the one with the most potential reward. I have some good suggestions and implementing them is a bitch. I agree with all of them, though.

I'm fired up again. I'm in Santa Cruz. There are flies in this coffee shop. I'm feeling inspired.

When I'm depressed, it's often worst in the morning. My therapist mother tells me I'm not alone.

Last night was great -- my friend's awesome girlfriend took a bunch of us out to A Cote for his birthday, and it was a blast. This morning I just felt down and defeated.

"I wish I had more time to talk about this," Adam said, and I burst into tears.

The sun is coming out right now. I want to take that as a sign.

Five years

A bar on Telegraph, a stumble into Cody's. A drive into the rain, the hills, an awakening, a beginning.

Happy anniversary, baby.