Yay!

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"What God called me to do"

I'm sitting at Kaldi's listening to these guys talk about God. Specifically, the Christian house that they're setting up. One of the guys is talking about his divine call.

So what's my divine call?

I've never felt "called by God" in terms of anything. I have aptitudes and talents and I don't pretend to be able to know where those come from, but I've never felt it to be holy.

If I were a religious person, would I know more peace?

I know I feel peace when I meditate. Maybe religion is an element of focus, of structure. Maybe that's all it is. Maybe that's the call.

He just said: "I've been taught not to look at the circumstances. Just to focus on the storm." Interesting

2012

Missouri

Happy 2012!

Wishing everyone the best in the New Year! Now we're off to St. Louis to celebrate!

Trying to breathe

I've been having panic attacks. The whammo, bammo kind that leave you breathless and shaky. Adam wants to help as much as he can and he does everything -- but I know that it's got to come from me. Even writing that is hard. Mental health is such a damn balance beam. Sometimes you just say screw it. I'm gonna fall off.

Mark Doty, "Dog Years"

No dog has ever said a word, but that doesn’t mean they live outside the world of speech. They listen acutely. They wait to hear a term – biscuit, walk – and an inflection they know. What a stream of incomprehensible signs passes over them as they wait, patiently, for a one of a few familiar words! Because they do not speak, except in the most limited fashion, we are always trying to figure them out. The expression is telling: to “figure out” is to make figures of speech, to invent metaphors to help us understand the world. To choose to live with a dog is to agree to participate in a long process of interepretation – a mutual agreement, though the human being holds most of the cards.