Fulbright

So this has been going on for a while, but I'm just now getting around to blogging about it: I'm applying for a Fulbright Scholarship. I want to go to Romania to study the problem of stray dogs (it's a huge deal -- we're talking in the thousands, possibly millions for all I know), which dates back to Communist days. Right now I'm working on nailing down my affiliation, writing my statement and proposal, and learning Romanian. If I get this, we would go over there in 2014. I don't even formally apply until October, so it's a ways in the future, but this stuff takes time, yo.

In other news, Jack is smiling. And that is awesome.

Bullet-point gratitude

In only some particular order, what I'm thankful for this year:

- A happy, healthy family. Yes, we're as whacked out as anybody else, but we're all still alive and kicking.
- My incredible husband. I love you, Adam.
- My gorgeous dogs. I love you, you batshit crazy Maizie and Jack.
- Talent and motivation.
- Perseverance.
- The dumb luck of being born in an incredible place at an incredible time.
- A sweet little roof over my head.
- The future.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Happy Halloween

September 25

Ten years ago today I kissed a friend for the first time. Then I fell hard and quick. Life has never been the same and I couldn't be happier. I love you, baby.

Well, it's fall

Or close enough, really. Once September starts -- hell, once August hits that mid-point -- you know summer's on its way out, scooting along so the door doesn't hit it in the ass on the way.

And for once, I think I'm actually looking forward to it.

I'm slowly climbing out of the morass of little ambition and energy. Slowly, I say, because it's not a linear process. Is anything? But I wish it were. It would be so much easier. Wouldn't everything?

I'm sending applications out into the void. Putting together a Fulbright app, applying to MacDowell and Stanford and a bunch of other places. I'm trying to make tracks on the latest project and trying to market the project that's been hanging around for a while.

I'm chipping away. Chipping doesn't feel as good as smashing, but one step at a time.

Lap band blues

In August 2010, I got a lap band and dropped 40 pounds. By Thanksgiving 2011, I was overfilled and unable to eat. I wound up in the ER and they took all the fluid out. I've gained the weight back and am disgusted with myself. I'm going back to my surgeon today to get another fill and I know I have a lot of explaining to do. I hope I can make it through.

The era of sleep

I sleep all the time these days. It's as if I can't get enough and maybe I can't. I feel shrouded, covered in something I can't name and can barely fight. It's not depression. It's not anxiety. It's just this feeling of resignation that I don't like, and I don't accept, and I need and want to change.