Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about

My father-in-law has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Last weekend we went down to Southern California for his surgery. He underwent something called the Whipple Procedure, which is damn invasive but may well also save his life. It's all happened so fast. That seems to be the case with that son of a bitch we call cancer. Adam's handling it as best as he can, which is to say he's being pretty quiet and fairly stoic about it, while at the same time being as supportive as he can be. It's truly sad to me because his father is the member of his family I feel closest to. We don't talk on the phone or really exchange emails or anything like that, but he's just a very human and open-hearted person. I made the mistake of looking up odds and survival rates while I was sleepless in the LA hotel room. Bad idea. I wound up bawling and waking Adam up, which sucked because I felt so damn selfish. He needed his sleep. But his dad leaves the hospital tomorrow and we'll see what happens from there. We'll see.

If I had kids ...

I would teach them to love animals. Not so much teach as share the love of animals. I would encourage them to have a sense of humor. Dirty words would be okay, actually. They were in my house and I didn't turn out that badly. I would make them listen to '80s music just to torture them. I would slip them a sip of beer now and again. I would love the shit out of them.

Friday music

Carmel, Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve to the goyim

To all you shaygets and shiksas out there: Merry and happy. I hope your dreams come true and your credit cards don't get overextended. And if you don't know what goyim, shaygets and shiksas are, that means that you fall into those categories. Don't worry -- it's a loving sort of thing. :)

The Next Best Thing

Thanks to John Gourhan, my funny and generous colleague from St. Mary's College of California's MFA Program, for tagging me in "The Next Best Thing" blog project. The "Next Best Thing" concept lets each writer in turn answer the same list of questions for blog readers who may not know us. Readers are passed along by the person who invited us to participate.

What is the working title of your book?
Well, there's BEARDED LADY, a memoir I'm currently shopping, and THREESOME, a project I began while living in Columbia, Missouri last year. There's also an as-unnamed piece about a fat porn star that I've been playing with ... any suggestions for titles?

Where did the idea come from for this book?
BEARDED LADY sprang from my own experiences with Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, a syndrome which results in (among other things) excess hair growth, obesity, infertility and male-pattern baldness. THREESOME was inspired by the Chelsea King murder case in San Diego. Chelsea King was a 17-year-old Poway High School student -- that's my alma mater -- who was murdered while going out for a run. And the porn-star thing? Well, I've done my share of ... research.

What genre does your book fall under?
Respectively, memoir, fiction and fiction. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

How long did it take to write the first draft?
BEARDED LADY is the only completed project. It got its genesis in 2006, during my final year of my MFA program, and the final draft was completed within about a year and a half. Then came revision ... and revision ...

What actors would you use for a movie rendition of your book?
I've thought about this, honestly I have, and haven't really come up with anyone or anything. What I'd really like to see is an unknown break out in any one of these parts. Reese Witherspoon doesn't exactly look like me.

What is a one-sentence synopsis of your book?
BEARDED LADY is a memoir about living with Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, an adrenal disorder whose symptoms include excessive hair growth as well as male-pattern balding, obesity, and infertility. THREESOME addresses the terror and tragedy of sudden loss. The fat porn star one, I don't have a clue.

Will it be self-published or represented by an agency?
An agency. At least I damn well hope.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Shoot, didn't I answer this one?

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
BEARDED LADY - Augusten Burroughs' RUNNING WITH SCISSORS, perhaps. THREESOME - Ann Patchett's SONGS WITHOUT WORDS. Fat porn star - You got me! (See a pattern here?)

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?
I'm a pretty down-to-earth writer. I tell it like it is and while I may dice words, I won't mince them. Besides, I'll buy you a beer if you read any one of these. On draft. Bar of your choice. Honest.
 

Would it have happened without guns?

Would the Connecticut school massacre have taken place? Well, not as easily. I am a proponent of gun control and that opinion is becoming ever stronger the more I see things happening in Connecticut, Colorado, Oregon ... for our own sanity, we must maintain an illusion of 100 percent safety. But that's all it is: an illusion.