Adam: "A good old Landa rant"

"Don't ever feel sorry for me. I have everything I want. I always had me."

Ava Adore

Listening to the Smashing Pumpkins on a Saturday morning, thinking about the conversation on the drive home from Santa Cruz yesterday. There is definite grit in Adam's and my history, and most of it takes place before we ever officially got together. We fought so many fights. Ultimately we resorted to getting nearly blackout drunk every time we saw each other because we couldn't handle our feelings for one another.

The result: the love of a goddamned lifetime.

It's you that I adore
You'll always be my whore
You'll be a mother to my child
And a child to my heart
We must never be apart
We must never be apart

Lovely girl you're the beauty in my world
Without you there are no reasons left to find

And I'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me
You'll be a lover in my bed
And a gun to my head
We must never be apart
We must never be apart

Lovely girl you're the murder in my world
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left to die
Drinking mercury
To the mystery
Of all that you should ever leave behind
In time

In you I see dirty
In you I count stars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste god
In you I feel so hungry
In you I crash cars
We must never be apart

Drinking mercury
To the mystery
Of all that you should ever seek to find
Lovely girl you're the murder in my world
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left behind
In time

We must never be apart

And you'll always be my whore
'Cause you're the one that I adore
And I'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me
In you I feel so dirty in you I crash cars
In you I feel so pretty in you I taste god
We must never be apart

Caffe Pergolesi

I used to come down here all the time. Who the hell ever knew that I would be here with my husband and baby? If you told me that, I would laugh. But it's my birthday gift, and so instead I just smile.

Fort Bragg and Mendocino

My love at the Point Arena Pier

Today

Today is my eight-year wedding anniversary.

It is also the seven-month birthday of our son.

And this is my view.

I am a lucky, lucky person.

Last night

Baz was sleeping, I was inebriated, and we were listening to Spotify. I was spouting stupid philosophy about somatic memory to Adam, lying on his chest with eyes half-closed.

"The pseudo-science in that," he said, "is like nails on a chalkboard."

THIS is why I did not marry someone like me. I love him more than I can say.