Friday, September 28, 2018

But what if

How can you be a survivor if you don't know that you survived anything? That you were blackout drunk and your friend turned to you the next morning and said do you remember last night? and you had nothing, nothing whatsoever, and even if you did you wouldn't say anything because after all, you were too ugly to be involved in any of that business, too ugly for anyone to want you in that or any other way?

I told Michael within a half an hour of sitting down with him for the first time. That's the way our conversations went, no bullshit or pretense, just sharing with him what I had shared with so precious few in the past. Nothing happened, I said. But I'll never know for sure.

His eyes said everything.

How can you believe yourself when you have no idea what to believe?

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