Yes, it’s important to open to truths about ourselves that help us develop and grow. But if
we only see our faults we remain stuck in those stories. Caught in fear or confusion there is
no healing, just a perpetual feeling of “not good enough.” We cut ourselves off from
recognizing the good inside. The crucial task in learning to be kind and loving towards
ourselves is to remember our basic goodness, along with all our other positive qualities.
Remember the Babemba tribe in Africa, quoted in Awakening Joy from Jack Kornfield’s book
The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace, who remind someone in the community
who’s acted irresponsibly of all the good things they’ve ever done. They are encouraging the
transgressor to remember his or her goodness.
We can learn to practice some version of that for ourselves. Recalling one’s good deeds is
actually a traditional loving-kindness practice to counteract the tendency towards guilt,
shame and unworthiness. Try this for yourself. Take some time and recall as many good
deeds you’ve done as you can. What made you act that skillfully? Can you see the
natural goodness that wanted to be expressed?
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