Today's writing

It’s not like this has never happened before. I’ve cheated. I will admit that. There was Pennie Jo in high school. I broke her heart with Kathie. It was one of those just happened situations. “What?” I can hear Pennie Jo hissing, “she fell and your dick wound up in her mouth?”

 

Then there was my one same-sex experience. Gary, I think that was his name. My dick didn’t wind up in his mouth, but we did have a mutual jerkoff session, so I suppose that counts. We were drunk and in college. These things happen, but my girlfriend at the time wouldn’t have accepted that as an answer, so I never told her, even when we broke up six months later. Catherine. One of the true loves of my life. I would say I never forgave myself, but forgiveness has always come pretty easily for me, at least when it comes to me. I’m not good at letting others off the hook. Hypocrisy. Adds iron to the blood.

 

This is different, though. That shit was way in the past. I thought I’d grown since then. I thought I’d changed. I’d been to therapy, taken restorative hikes. I’d attended men’s groups. And I’d lost my mother relatively early in my life. Doesn’t that count for something in the evolved sense? Aren’t you supposed to grow up quickly when there is pain to manage or – more likely – flee?