There is much I want to do in the New Year. I want to give voice to the voiceless. I want to get my own words out there. I want to continue letting everyone I love know that I love them. I want to continue to discover myself, to get more comfortable with the material I've been given. I want to meet uncomfortable feelings honestly and work through them rather than running away. I want the past to be the past, the present to be fulfilling and the future so bright I gotta wear something resembling shades.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Clarity
I've been seeking it, searching for it, rubbing my eyes and blinking. I think it's emerging and it's intoxicating. I love focus, precision and order -- strange because I often so don't achieve those qualities in my own life. But it's coming. It's coming.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The winter weather
I've had many ups and downs lately. This week I've had both. Monday I felt paralyzed by anxiety, Tuesday depression. Yesterday I took the dogs to St. Louis and was better.
Fact is, I'm at a crossroads. There is so much I want to do and boundaries I have refused to acknowledge. Mainly, I want to get the Project published, and that is so damn hard.
I am very open about having anxiety and depression and taking medication for it. Sometimes I think I'm on way too much medication. Sometimes I wonder if I ... DO I wonder if I shouldn't? Actually, I'm scared to stop. And there's no reason to do so.
Am I homesick? Yes and no. I still would be feeling this at home. Here my shit is just amplified and I HAVE to deal with it, which is not a bad thing. Except for when it is ...
Fact is, I'm at a crossroads. There is so much I want to do and boundaries I have refused to acknowledge. Mainly, I want to get the Project published, and that is so damn hard.
I am very open about having anxiety and depression and taking medication for it. Sometimes I think I'm on way too much medication. Sometimes I wonder if I ... DO I wonder if I shouldn't? Actually, I'm scared to stop. And there's no reason to do so.
Am I homesick? Yes and no. I still would be feeling this at home. Here my shit is just amplified and I HAVE to deal with it, which is not a bad thing. Except for when it is ...
Monday, December 12, 2011
Animal advocacy
I've been getting deeper and deeper into the animal advocacy world as of late. And last night I found myself in tears at 2 a.m. thinking about it all.
I have to take a little bit of a break. It's probably going to only be for a few days, but I've had a good streak (I'm seeing pets for whom I've advocated get homes) and I think I need to take that as a clue to chill for a while. It's a great cause and I want to be able to contribute to it, but I need to do what they call self-care too.
I have to take a little bit of a break. It's probably going to only be for a few days, but I've had a good streak (I'm seeing pets for whom I've advocated get homes) and I think I need to take that as a clue to chill for a while. It's a great cause and I want to be able to contribute to it, but I need to do what they call self-care too.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Saturday-night wisdom from Afroman
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech-n-Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Mizzou in the winter
Did I mention that I've moved to Columbia, Missouri for four months?
Adam got a contract job here and when the opportunity first came up, we both chuckled. Mid-Missouri, especially in the winter? But the idea grew more appealing over time. I've wanted to go somewhere else, do something different, meet new people and freeze my ass off in the middle of winter. And it looks like I'll get to do all those things.
I really want to write a long blog post about it, about how this all started in early October and spun out until we left at the end of November, but that will come in time, I think. Then again, maybe there's no time like the present. My friend Sophie recently told me that I don't waste words and I like that idea. So maybe this is my long blog post. And maybe it's just majorly stream-of-consciousness.
Leaving Berkeley was -- hard? Adventurous? Both? We sublet our place -- couldn't give up the Farm and wouldn't want to. We bought a huge Chevy Suburban and towed Ringo halfway across the country. And now we're here, in a three-bedroom, two-bath house for $900 a month. Let the adventure commence.
Adam got a contract job here and when the opportunity first came up, we both chuckled. Mid-Missouri, especially in the winter? But the idea grew more appealing over time. I've wanted to go somewhere else, do something different, meet new people and freeze my ass off in the middle of winter. And it looks like I'll get to do all those things.
I really want to write a long blog post about it, about how this all started in early October and spun out until we left at the end of November, but that will come in time, I think. Then again, maybe there's no time like the present. My friend Sophie recently told me that I don't waste words and I like that idea. So maybe this is my long blog post. And maybe it's just majorly stream-of-consciousness.
Leaving Berkeley was -- hard? Adventurous? Both? We sublet our place -- couldn't give up the Farm and wouldn't want to. We bought a huge Chevy Suburban and towed Ringo halfway across the country. And now we're here, in a three-bedroom, two-bath house for $900 a month. Let the adventure commence.
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