Adapted from a Facebook post

I was 25 the first time I seriously considered suicide. I lay on the couch doing nothing about it for a while. Then I decided I needed to act. Jerry Springer was going to kill me, but I'd just basically die of boredom and creative futility if I watched enough of it. I needed to do something.

So I went across the street to Piedmont Grocery and started comparison-shopping. Damn, aspirin wasn't cheap. What the fuck?

Then I realized that if I was comparison-shopping, maybe I wanted to live.