Exhaustion

I've been stupid tired for the better part of a week. Longer, really, if I think about it. I know why, in part at least. Shit is like a fucking cycle, a hamster wheel. Get up, get ready, take Baz to school, make the most out of the three intervening hours, pick him up, bring him to ABA therapy or take him home depending on the day, work some more. Have conversations that I've had 1000 times before. Check my cell phone. Check my email. Check my Facebook. I'm tired. Tired of all that. Tired of all this. I need more. I want more. 

Raleigh's, 2017

 

Yup

 

The fall of Roe v. Wade

I was fucked up for days. Still am. The best thing anyone said to me was when Marcus texted: I'll engage, but only if you want to. I didn't in that moment. I didn't have a clear head. I still don't.

My Writing Salon voice class is July 9!

Join us!

Ministering

I used to think I had to be constantly available. Always open. At the ready to listen, to caretake, to support, to help.

Fuck that, man.

Idan and Sharaine's wedding

 

Happy Father's Day

 

Sacramento, breakfast

 

Today's writing

I’m not a natural-born partner. I’m not the world’s easiest wife. And what does this say about my mothering skills? Does that even matter anymore?

Damn. That last line. Does that even matter. That’s some seriously callous bullshit floating through my brain. I can only imagine if I said it out loud or, God forbid, put it out on Facebook. There are just things you don’t say. That you don’t express. That you rarely let yourself even consider because what does that say about you? When Jax was still alive, I knocked on wood all the time. There was plenty to knock about. He was not an easy person. Then again, how much of an easy mother was I? Rob used to take me to task all the time about my parenting choices. I’d lock myself in the bathroom and mutter over and over: asshole.

 

Sunday night

 

Last Thursday

I saw David Sedaris at Book Passage in Marin. What a great show. We saw him 10 years ago at Zellerbach and he was great too. "Cows," he said then. "Assholes." Genius!

As posted on Facebook

Dog days of June

Hot as hell today. I haven't written much here more than a few song lyrics and pictures. The book is coming along great ... or I should say preparations for the book launch. The main events will be at Booksmith, followed by Jered's Pottery, followed by Green Apple Books. It's going to get busy.

My mother is also getting released from rehab next Friday. She had a fall and has been in the hospital, followed by the rehab, which does NOT make her happy. That's the reason I went to San Diego last week. I sat on it for a while, but I don't think she'll care if I make it public. Hell, it's not like she reads this blog anyway.

My 30-year high-school reunion is next month, so San Diego and I shall meet again soon. Or Bland Diego, as I tend to call it. It's a nice city. Nice. That's really about it.

End of check-in for now.

San Diego

I went down this weekend to handle a few family matters.  I was all over the damn city. This is what it looked like from the air on Friday.

 

I got a grant!

Big thanks to the Center for Cultural Innovation for awarding me a Berkeley Recovery Grant!

Van Morrison, "And It Stoned Me"

Half a mile from the county fair

And the rain came pourin' down
Me and Billy standin' there
With a silver half a crown

Hands are full of a fishin' rod
And the tackle on our backs
We just stood there gettin' wet
With our backs against the fence

Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Hope it don't rain all day

And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like Jelly Roll
And it stoned me
And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like goin' home
And it stoned me

Then the rain let up and the sun came up
And we were gettin' dry
Almost let a pick-up truck nearly pass us by
So we jumped right in and the driver grinned

And he dropped us up the road
Yeah, we looked at the swim and we jumped right in
Not to mention fishing poles

Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Let it run all over me

And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like Jelly Roll
And it stoned me
And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like goin' home
And it stoned me

On the way back home we sang a song
But our throats were getting dry
Then we saw the man from across the road
With the sunshine in his eyes

Well he lived all alone in his own little home
With a great big gallon jar
There were bottles too, one for me and you
And he said Hey! There you are

Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Get it myself from the mountain stream

And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like Jelly Roll
And it stoned me
And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like goin' home
And it stoned me

And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like Jelly Roll
And it stoned me
And it stoned me to my soul
Stoned me just like goin' home
And it stoned me