Today's writing

I’m not a natural-born partner. I’m not the world’s easiest wife. And what does this say about my mothering skills? Does that even matter anymore?

Damn. That last line. Does that even matter. That’s some seriously callous bullshit floating through my brain. I can only imagine if I said it out loud or, God forbid, put it out on Facebook. There are just things you don’t say. That you don’t express. That you rarely let yourself even consider because what does that say about you? When Jax was still alive, I knocked on wood all the time. There was plenty to knock about. He was not an easy person. Then again, how much of an easy mother was I? Rob used to take me to task all the time about my parenting choices. I’d lock myself in the bathroom and mutter over and over: asshole.