I moved here to learn something. To learn things. To understand myself. What I came to realize is that something like that is not just something you embark on with intent. You can’t just flip a switch and say today I’m going to get to know the world and myself. That’s akin to saying I’m going to lose 50 pounds starting right fucking now.
Change doesn’t work that way. We don’t so much decide upon it as it chooses us. All we can do is place ourselves in its way. Fortunately, change swept through Pardubice. I’m not going home a different person. That’s too neat, too clean, just too clear-cut. It’s the showered and shaved version of your lover, the person you go on the first date with. You want the rumpled, real-life edition.
You want the truth.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to fall in love with this place, with myself in it. Could be that I wasn’t set up to find the perfect person in this country, on this continent, in this wedge of time. Possibly this is the work of a lifetime, something I’m starting afresh every day of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment