A dream fulfilled

I was going through my emails from late January and early February 2015. Shock receding into thrill. I was unexpectedly pregnant. A dream fulfilled.

I realize now -- and have for a long time, actually -- that I would have done anything to keep him. Adam wasn't sure that he was okay with it. I thought, well, then I'll leave. And I was -- and remain -- as in love as I ever was. 

It's so hard to have perspective on parenthood because it's always up in your face. Like yesterday, when we were at the library trying to convince him to do his homework. I walked away several times to "check the new books" -- but really just to recover my equanimity. 

Moments like this, early enough that he hasn't woken up yet to watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid before school, are when I understand the massiveness -- and the love -- of this undertaking.