I'm trying not to rush through the 12 steps of OA, but rather do it right so I don't have to go back and do it again. (Which I probably will have to anyway.)
The first step is: we admitted we were powerless over food -- that our lives had become unmanageable. I think I've done that, but can I be totally sure? At a meeting yesterday someone said something about knowing they could move on when they had turned it over to a higher power. I haven't 100 percent done that, nor am I sure I want to. Common sense or resistance? I'm not in OA to treat it as the God's honest truth, necessarily -- but am I hindering what they would call my recovery?
Of course it's hard to know. That's where a sponsor comes in, but I'm not at that point yet. The closest thing to my sponsor is my therapist. Maybe I should talk to her about it.
So what's the next step?
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Am I there yet? Am I working that step, as they say? I mean, I do believe in God, and they always talk about God as you understand him. It is very tempting to turn it over to that higher power. But there's still resistance. I guess that's the part I've got to figure out.