Working Step One

The disease of compulsive eating is threefold in nature: physical, emotional and spiritual. Compulsive eating does not stem simply from bad eating habits learned in childhood, not just from adjustment problems, nor merely from a love of food, though all three of those may be factors in its development. It may be that may of us were born with a physical or emotional predisposition to eat compulsively. Whatever the cause, we are not like normal people when it comes to eating. - "The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous"

I admit that I have no real clue how to work these steps, as they put it. Yesterday I had a minor meltdown. We were at a beer garden with people eating, drinking and smoking. One is limited and the other two forbidden. It felt like nothing I've done thus far has mattered. I just wanted a veggie burger, a beer and a cigarette in my hand.

Thing is, I can't overeat, not if I want this thing to work. One false move and I fuck up my stomach. Forever. It's fairly intimidating, but it's also a blessing in a way. It keeps me from doing what I need not to do. It's all escapist, all this stuff. As Adam says: "That's not the worst thing sometimes." But it was for me.