Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Yesterday Adam told me he's trying to do a better job of reaching out to friends. "I think of you when I do it," he said. "I remember how hurt you were when you posted about the Lexapro stuff and there were people who read it, but said nothing."

I'm glad to hear it.

Non-responsiveness is a huge pet peeve with me. I went through one of the most trying times of my life a few months ago and knowing that there were friends and family who read about it, but did nothing, was pretty painful.

Is it here that I talk about my relationship with Adam's family? From the time I met them, I've tried to reach out, to be part of the family. I've sent emails and greeting cards, bought presents. It was my choice to have Rabbi Adam, Adam's brother-in-law (and mine now) marry us. When Adam had his improv shows a few months ago, I made a special effort to invite his mother to attend.

They've made it clear that they like me. They've also made their distance just as clear. Emails go unanswered. Presents are politely nodded at. I will never be as close with them as I'd hoped. I will never call his mother Mom. I will never confide in them.

I encourage him every day to be in touch with his family, to not take for granted the fact that they are all still, thank goodness, alive. I don't ever confuse his relationship with his family for mine. They may not respond to me, but that's far less important than their response to their son and brother.

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