Last thoughts for the night

I always knew I'd marry someone who differed from me. I just didn't know how that difference would manifest itself. As it turns out, I married a man who demographically is quite similar to me and yet in temperment often lies at the opposite end of the spectrum.

He is relaxed while I can be frenetic and focused. He accepts while I push for more. Dogs like him better.

We've had fights that no one would believe. When we were first dating, we got into a brawl so intense (most of the intensity, of course, stemming from my side) that I hurled everything within reach: a book, my cordless phone, a hapless laptop. After it all fell to the floor, I looked around in a panic: Nothing left to throw.

He sat next to me, silent and still, scared. "I've never seen you like this," he said.

"Keep pissing me off," I told him, "and you'll get used to ducking."

I've worked hard to mitigate my temper. It still flares and always will, but I'd like to think it's less destructive. Usually, at least. I haven't busted any machinery since that day.

In December 2005, right before we went on our first overseas trip together, we spent a Saturday amidst the holiday crowds in Union Square. Standing in the middle of what was then Cody's Books, I brandished "He's Just Not That Into You." It was meant as an example of a pink book, a chick-lit thing, a literary foible.

Then we got to the "He Doesn't Want to Marry You " section. "Do you feel you're ready?" he asked.

Suddenly we'd spun into something serious. An innocent romp through Christmas-season sales brought us to this. "Yes," I said. Of course I was ready. I'd been ready since the first time we held hands, years before it was permissible and years before we would again.

"I'm not," he said, and I sat down hard on a bench. He sat next to me and curled my fingers in his.

"I'm only doing this once," he said. "I'm going to know that it's right."

My lip quivered. I swallowed around a lump in my throat. I was glad for his honesty, and that feeling, while difficult, was one hundred percent genuine.

I'm glad he waited. I'm glad he came to know, and to want this. I'm the jackrabbit. Adam moves at a slower pace. He came to love me over time. It was worth the wait.